Stop Putting Spoilers in Your Damned Headlines and Lead Images, Pajiba

via GIPHY

I'm an avid reader of Pajiba.com. But those days may be numbered if they keep ruining my favorite shows and films. Pajiba, get your act together before Star Wars comes out, or else there will be blood. Here, let me show you how you recap entertainment content correctly. Let's talk about the latest episode of The Leftovers, Ten Thirteen. Spoilers ahead!

First of all, notice how my lead gif doesn't in any way reveal the big twist at the end of this episode. Rather, it communicates how you, Pajiba, make me feel with your recaps. Lots of people like me read your website, scanning for articles they want to read while trying to avoid spoilers INSIDE the articles they DO NOT YET WANT TO READ UNTIL THEY'VE SEEN THE EPISODE/FILM. They expect you to be professional and considerate. After all, you're entertainment bloggers who rail against this sort of thing all the time when movie trailers do it! Remember the trailer to Free Willy?


via GIPHY

Hmmm, I wonder if Willy gets free? THIS IS PRECISELY WHAT YOU ARE DOING.

I'm not saying you can't put spoilers in the full article, of course. Case in point: Ten Thirteen. The Leftovers has been a revelation this whole season, making Ten Thirteen merely amazing until its big reveal in the final minutes. An unspoiled viewer would watch this episode with great apprehension that Meg is about to unleash an old airstream filled with explosives into the "holy" town of Jardin. But guess what's actually in that airstream? Oh, did you open the home page of Pajiba the day after the episode aired? Well, then you already saw the lead image and headline for this article, and will now quickly surmise that the airstream actually holds the town's missing daughters, led by Evie. Here, let me contrast that spoiler with another spoiler-free Leftovers gif which expresses my bemusement:


via GIPHY

Here, Pajiba, check out how io9 and Warming Glow do this, and see how it's done. Love you Pajiba, but if you do this one more time, I'm punting you until January, because you can't be trusted with Luke Skywalker spoilers at all.

Brooklyn

via GIPHY

I saw Brooklyn. I enjoyed Brooklyn. Saoirse Ronan is fantastic. 

This film can do terrible damage to new screenwriters!

Of course, the new screenwriter doesn't see it this way. They see a movie that's getting near-unanimous love on Rotten Tomatoes, and say, "See! You CAN do a movie with a passive protagonist!"

Wow, is the protagonist, Eilis Lacey, passive in this movie! I don't think she makes a proactive choice in the whole film. 

Standard movie structure would have Eilis enter a new world that overwhelms and confuses her. But her drive for her big-want fuels her to eventually take on this new world on her own terms. The world changes her. She changes it back.

Brooklyn ain't having it.

So why does Brooklyn get away with dissing standard movie structure? Let's count the ways! With spoilers, you were warned!

1. It's based on a novel. In fact, not just a novel: A historical novel. That means your protagonist is coming to you double pre-baked as more passive. Novel protagonists are often more passive as they "report" the story more than live it. Historical protagonists are often more passive as they're composites of real human beings. 

2. In the original novel, Eilis does more proactive things, but those things are kind of awful, and had to be massaged for the film version! In the movie, she's thrown by the death of her sister back to Ireland, where everyone conspires to keep her there by giving her her sister's old job and setting her up with a rich guy. The life that wasn't there for her before presents itself, and she's torn by conflicting duty to her mother and her secret husband back in the states. It's all very relatable and understandable. But in the novel, it's not a rich guy who can help take care of her mother; it's the guy she wanted before she went to America! And she goes a lot further with him, driven by passion, not duty! She's a two-timer! And when her secret marriage is exposed, she returns to the states in a much more emotionally ambiguous place, rather than embracing the choice. You can square that circle in a big ol' book full of history. You can't make that Eilis in the movie. So the second half of the movie keeps Eilis reactive/passive in order to make her...ugh...likable.

3. There's historical baggage. With every choice Eilis makes, she's choosing by proxy America or Ireland. You can't have a GLOBAL film make those kind of choices! Better Eilis is unable to choose! They're both great! Global box office, step right up!

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying Brooklyn is a bad film with a flawed story. I'm saying that a new screenwriter is extremely unlikely to duplicate this success with such a passive protagonist without optioning a bestselling historical novel, and attaching heavy hitters like Saoirse Ronan. Look at those eyes. Her tears are a better special effect than all of the Transformers films combined.

Go see Brooklyn! 


via GIPHY