How To Trick Yourself Into Collapsing Characters

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New writers do this the most, but every writer is vulnerable to creating a character to fulfill a story need, and then letting that character fall out of the story after their usefulness expires. At some point, someone will suggest that the dead-end character is collapsed into another character. And it's such a mind-f*ck to the writer that they dig their heels in and proclaim one or both the characters to be absolutely essential exactly as they are written.

A. Dorable.

Of course, if that writer was given someone else's script and asked if they could see two characters being collapsed into one, they would smell a paycheck and see a dozen ways to pull that off.

So how do you get out of your own head and out of your own script and get to the task at hand, which is getting rid of that dead-end character?

The answer is Ving Rhames. Or at least it was for me.

I had a script optioned and the director was trying to get actors attached in order to set up funding. And there was this cop character that SCREAMED Ving Rhames to my director. Let's send Ving Rhames the script! Only, hmmmm, you know, this cop is kind of just an exposition blabber, isn't he? He's always behind the caution tape. Never even draws his gun.

Hmmm. Is there any way to get Ving Rhames into the action? And don't throw those walls up about not wanting to collapse his character into another character that's in the action because Ving Rhames and honey badger don't care. Ving Rhames wants to pull out his gun if he's gonna be on your movie poster, and pre-sell your movie globally. You want your movie to be real? Then you need Ving Rhames.

And so I was finally able to get out of my own head, and I realized there was TOTALLY a way to make Ving Rhames happy. Collapse his character with the guy later on in the fray.

Of course, I never heard if Ving Rhames actually read the script because financing stalled after a similar movie came out and bombed, but let's not lose the lesson. If someone suggests to you that you should collapse two characters, imagine that the suggestion isn't coming from your writer friend who can't write his way out of a paper bag so why should I listen to you, Podrick? 

Future post topic: Sometimes your writer friends named Podrick ARE getting back at you for the way your notes gutted their script. But I digress...

Imagine your movie poster. And on that poster is Ving Rhames holding a gun. And all these movie financiers are looking at your poster nodding your heads. Now THIS I can pre-sell in Bulgaria, because Ving Rhames is in the Mission Impossible franchise. We can draft in its wake! The movie's profitable before it even hits the theaters! Only Ving Rhames in the poster opens his big mouth, "Wait, my dead-end character never draws his gun. Why do I have my gun drawn? Get my agent on the phone, I'm not playing this dead-end character who never actually draws his gun!"

And all the financiers look to you, shaking their heads. You were so close, but, turns out, you only have a writing sample. "Oh, the delicious schadenfreude! Once it hits your lips it's so good!", cries Podrick.

Don't let Podrick have his schadenfreude. Make Ving Rhames happy, even if it was stupid Podrick's note before it was Ving Rhames' note. Broken clocks are right twice a day. 

God, Podrick is so smug!

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